Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
