I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
