everyone is single if you try hard enough
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
