we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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