East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
