they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
