She is in my trunk
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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