I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
