Do you still have your period?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
