I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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