P.S. I can't hear my feet
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
