Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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