I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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