but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
