Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
