I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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