I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
