so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
