One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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