and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i believe in u and ur pee
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
