Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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