That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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