Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
