Umm I'm too high to move.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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