Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
