it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
