My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The feeling are messing with the penis
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
