isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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