Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
