I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
