My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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