"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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