Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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