the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
