im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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