Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
