guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
