No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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