Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
