I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
