either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
