The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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