She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
