...so i touched it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
