Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
