I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
