he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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