I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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