Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
