Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
