Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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