she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
only if we run a train.
done.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
