Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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