The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
