you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
