babies were throwing up all over the place
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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