I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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