Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
